𝑲𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒍-𝒂𝒏𝒏❜𝒔 𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝑻𝒐 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆

January 29, 2021   I was doing my Techno Tutor today and  the word snakeskin has flashed, I missed it four time in a row. I knew that it was because of the word snake because I have a negative memory associate with it. It's been a long time that I want to make my self-forgiveness about this specific fear but I didn't wanted to take the responsibility to neutralize the charge. I am resisting this moment since I started my process, this fear is so powerful within me that the ego mind has convince me that it was impossible to get rid of it.  When I was young my mom was always talking about her fear of snakes, she said it was disgusting and dangerous and that it could bite me and that I should be careful around those creature. She literally transmitted me her fear of snake. I can remember the power of the fear within her, I felt it inside of me and become really scared myself.  One day we went to the chalet and I was playing alone behind it and I saw this little thing th...

  January 28, 2021 At the age of 19  years old I visited Montreal with two of my girl friends and it was the first time for my roommate and me. It was also the first time I see that much poverty at the same place, with my eyes in the real physical and not just on internet or on TV. There were homeless people on the street every 5 second that were asking us for money with different kind of stories. I remembered feeling truly bad for them and I gave one of them some money and my coffee to another one. My friend who was living in Montreal told me to ignored them because I would get poor myself if I start giving money to all of them. I was chocked to hear that and I thought she was such a selfish person but she was right, they were too many but the thing that have triggered me the most was how she was able to just make like they were not there and, how insensible she was about it. She said to me, you know Karol-Ann, we get used to it you have to learn to be blind because you will ...

January 26, 2021  I remember losing my first tooth by receiving a ping-pong ball right on the face and I was so excited to put it below my pillow and receive money for it. I did not believed into the tooth fairy for a long time because I caught my father putting the money below my pillow. I wasn't disappointed by the fact the tooth fairy wasn't real because all I cared about was to received the money. At this young age I was already thinking about the money in a insane way. I didn't wanted to tell my dad that I knew about the fact it was him who was giving me the money because I was fearing that he stopped doing it. In my head it was fair enough to lie about the fact I knew because he was also lying with this made up story. The moment I had a tooth  that was about to fall I prepared myself mentally for the pain because it was worth it. The day I told him that I knew, he stopped giving me money for my tooth, no magic no money. I was mad because I knew that will happened....

January 24, 2021 I've wrote a blog about my grandma earlier on day 8 and I did a commitment to myself to plant seed in her mind when I'll visit her. At Christmas we had a little party with my mom, my aunt and my grandma. At the beginning of the night, things were a bit awkward, I felt a negative energy within me just by seeing her. I take a deep breathe and I decided to listen to her and analyzed what se had to say. I She was being really dramatic and she was talking against another lady in her dance class.  I was really annoyed the first 10 minutes and than I breathe again to keep my focus on doing what is best and I remarks in her a lot of issues, a lot of anxiety and anger about everything. Every time that she was saying something I was calling her out and telling her that all of those negative shit wouldn't happened if she have Techno Tutor.  My brother has already shown her the presentation a couple month ago and we had a diner with her this weekend and we close her on...

  January 20, 2021 At the age of 7 years old, I had a course where we were sitting in circle and talked about Jesus during hours and at the age of 8, our parents had the choice to put us in a course called moral instead of Jesus course. I was begged my parents to go in this new class because I didn't give a damn about Jesus. They refused because both of them have been raised with a Christian mom and that was the way they were programed. They were not fanatic of it but we still went to church for special event like when someone get married or when a new baby was born to get his baptism.  My two brothers and I also had to do this Jesus course at church. There was three different steps and these course were on a period of three years. I made the first and the second course but I begged my parents to end it there because it was ridiculous for me to do that, we weren't that much people at school doing that and I was ashamed. I didn't had to make the third course, I was so gratef...

  January 16 , 2021 I remember that I was so shy with other women and that it was a challenge for me to be around them because I was feeling like I wasn't fitting in a women environment. I have been raised around men and I wasn't the most feminine girl in the world. I was always wearing a hoodie or a t-shirt with my jeans and that's it. I always thought that women were too dramatic and that they were all two face. I always thought that all they want to do is to gossip against each other. It took me a while before I become really feminine in the way I dressed and before I decided to wear make up. I believed that it was all fake shit and I didn't like it.  One day  I asked my mom why does she was wearing makeup and she told me that it was to feel more beautiful and that it gave her confidence about herself and  she said she was always looking tired and that she didn't wanted others to noticed it so the makeup was her lifesaver. I started to wear makeup at the age of 1...

  January 13, 2021 On the last Christmas party I had, like I said I was the only one sober when my brother quit the place and everybody was telling me stories about their past. One of it was told by my father, he was telling me that when he was young, life was so hard at home that it wanted to quit the fastest he could so he can go to college and be free from his parents so he works his ass off for a while to get enough money to get out of there. He finally did get out and start the college and end up spending all his money in beer and drugs. It is funny because it is the exact same story as me, I am the result of his programing. Just like him I am the last baby of the family, I worked my ass off to get out of my parent's place and I started college to end up like a fucked up person who is spending every single dollar on alcohol, drugs, casino and cigarettes.  The difference between him and I is that he did finished his college and I didn't . He found my mom during these years...

 January 12, 2021 The more I am writing blogs, and do my Techno Tutor, the more I have memories from the past that comes up and the more I realize I have a lot more fears within me than I thought. A major part of my life is based on fear, I can tell more things that I am scared of than things I am not. I am aware that all of them are purely irrational and that everything is the same essence. One of a thing that I am scared of is a little innocent groundhog. My father used to tell me horrible things about this creature. Before I was born, he was with his brother and had a couple beer while they were fishing and when they came back they were a bit drunk. When they get out of the boat they saw this little groundhog in the grass and my father approached it and he ended up with a piece of finger missing. He told me that story while I was super young and he was also trying to scared me when I was playing outside. He was telling me things like - watch out out there! A groundhog can come a...

 January 10 , 2021 Two days ago, I received a friend request from a man who used to be a professional photographer here in my hometown and he was the one who was taking the pictures of students every years at school for the "picture day". It was the day where our parents were putting us some cute clothes and expect a wonderful result from this photo shoot so they can have a great memory of us on every year we passed at school. He was the only one who was doing this job back in time so I know him since I am 5 years old and he was doing this for primary school and high school so I saw him every years during 12 years for the  "picture day" . When I saw his face it makes me thinking about how I hated those days back then. I never liked being photographed by someone else. I have to see how I look like before the picture is taking and I have to hold the camera or I would feel very uncomfortable and its shows on my face. I know that this is due to a lack of confidence but ...

January 7, 2021 Last summer, I was making a BBQ outside on the balcony and there was a lot of bees around so I looked for the source to see if it was close to me and I remarked a little honeycomb very close to the door. My first reaction was fear because it triggered a really bad memory within me. I wanted it to be burned immediately because that's what my father used to do when there was one to close to the house. When I was a 9 years old, I was playing in the schoolyard with my friends and I had this brilliant idea to go on the other side of the fence, I was feeling adventurous. My two friends went first and they passed in the little forest with ease without anything happening. When it was my turn to jump the fence, I did it successfully but I got stuck in something. I thought it was one of those plants that have some spikes on it so I didn't want to moved in case I make the situation worst. It started to become really painful all over my body so I started to freaked out and...

January 6, 2021 When I was 14 or 15 years old, I remember that my mom bought  us ticket for a show, it was a hypnosis show with a man called Messmer, he is very popular here in Canada and also in France. At the first part of the show he tried something with all the public to see who is a good potential person to be on stage and it did not worked on me. I was looking at those on stage who were hypnotized and I thought it was impossible to agree to do such stupid things in front of a huge public like this and that it must be a show that is prepared in advance with those person who agreed to go on the stage before the show and acted like it worked. At the second part of the show he tried another thing, we had to put our hands together with our two index up only, separate from one another. We had to closed our eyes and he said a thing like " okay now, you feel your two index come closer and closer and more closer... after that he said " okay now, those who have their fingers stuc...