January 28, 2021
At the age of 19 years old I visited Montreal with two of my girl friends and it was the first time for my roommate and me. It was also the first time I see that much poverty at the same place, with my eyes in the real physical and not just on internet or on TV. There were homeless people on the street every 5 second that were asking us for money with different kind of stories. I remembered feeling truly bad for them and I gave one of them some money and my coffee to another one.
My friend who was living in Montreal told me to ignored them because I would get poor myself if I start giving money to all of them. I was chocked to hear that and I thought she was such a selfish person but she was right, they were too many but the thing that have triggered me the most was how she was able to just make like they were not there and, how insensible she was about it. She said to me, you know Karol-Ann, we get used to it you have to learn to be blind because you will destroy yourself. I was blown away by those words. Everybody who is living there become insensible towards homeless people.
I went back to Montreal another time and One of them as really scared the shit out of me, he came close to me, took me by the shoulder and shook me and yelled at me. He was saying that I was Satan and that I should burn in hell. There was a doorman close to us where we were walking and he yelled at the guy and push him away from me. I developed an instant resistance towards all of them right after that happened and became blind myself towards homeless people, associating the word homeless with the word danger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that charity was the solution to help homeless people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that charity exist in this world only because the system of wealth is not manage as an equal money system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in charity to feed the ego mind so it can feel better about itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that people all around the world are in fact insensible about poverty and homeless people and suppressed it with blindness so they don't have to take responsibility for themselves to make this world a better place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a outrageous state when I heard the words of my friends when I did not take responsibility for my life myself and actively participate in the state of blindness thinking that there was nothing I can do about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the poverty in this world is the result of the wealthy people and that without poverty, wealthy people cannot exist and everybody would be equal and have all of their basics needs met.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my friend when she told me I will destroy myself wanting to help homeless people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that people in Montreal are all selfish beings when they are in fact just brain washed by the big corporations and media to make sure nobody find a real substantial solution to end the poverty all around the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there was not enough money in the world for every single being.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared of the homeless that yelled at me and developed a resistance towards all of them, thinking they were all the same when the guy was in fact probably the result of serious mental health or drug problem.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this man who scared me when I have no idea of what is life really look like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word homeless with the word danger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become as insensible as the major part of the humanity.
When and as I see myself thinking about those memories of the past towards homeless people, I stop and breathe.
I realize that I was already blind like everybody else towards poverty in this world because we've all been programed the same way and we are all living in fear and we are all selfish individuals, this is how the system work. If you are not rich you are a slave in the system and you make the economy run and you survive with a poor salary and do this all your fucking life and if you are not a slave in the system, you have none of your basics needs met and you are suffering profoundly. Both are needed for the wealthy to feed their endless thirst of money.
I commit myself to stand up in front of the poverty, homeless, child abuse, human trafficking etc.. by making sure we educate enough people to be able to change the system and create a world that is best for all where every single individual have his basics needs met and where equality is the number one priority.
I commit myself to show the world that charity is not the solution and that this is in fact a sort of greed itself.
I commit myself educate myself at the highest level by walking my process everyday and by being constant.
I commit myself to prove to people that they have been programed their entire life and that there is a way out for really being here, in the physical and not just in the mind.
I commit myself to always use my fear to take actions on my life to show the world what is possible when you face it.
I commit myself to become equal and one with the word homeless.
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