Day 16 : My experience with hypnosis

January 6, 2021

When I was 14 or 15 years old, I remember that my mom bought  us ticket for a show, it was a hypnosis show with a man called Messmer, he is very popular here in Canada and also in France. At the first part of the show he tried something with all the public to see who is a good potential person to be on stage and it did not worked on me. I was looking at those on stage who were hypnotized and I thought it was impossible to agree to do such stupid things in front of a huge public like this and that it must be a show that is prepared in advance with those person who agreed to go on the stage before the show and acted like it worked.

At the second part of the show he tried another thing, we had to put our hands together with our two index up only, separate from one another. We had to closed our eyes and he said a thing like " okay now, you feel your two index come closer and closer and more closer... after that he said " okay now, those who have their fingers stuck together, raise your arms up." I started to feel anxious because my arms were already up and we weren't allowed to open our eyes yet. So he continued and said " okay so those who have their fingers stuck and their arms up, stand up, open your eyes and come on the stage." At this moment, I started to freaked out and I couldn't do anything about it,At the second part of the show, he tried another thing, we had to put our hands together with our two index up only, separate from one another. We had to closed our eyes and he said a thing like " okay now, you feel your two index come closer and closer and more closer... after that he said " okay now, those who have their fingers stuck together, raise your arms up." I started to feel anxious because my arms were already up and weren't allowed to open our eyes yet. So he continued and said " okay so those who have their fingers stuck and their arms up, stand up, open your eyes and come on the stage." At this moment, I started to freaked out and I couldn't do anything about it, I was like a fucking zombie, totally controlled by someone else voice.

We were 11 on the stage, and he makes us sit on a chair so he can put us to sleep and do whatever the fuck he wanted with us. I remembered resisting a lot, He had to touch my neck multiple time, three time exactly. After the third time I fell asleep and hit my head on the decor behind me. I was "asleep" but totally conscious of what was going on around me. The thing I had to do was to walk on the moon and also he gave us a role for a play and I had to act like a pissed drunk person in a bar and dance with pure strangers. That was completely insane, I remember that I wanted to get the fuck out of there but I wasn't able to answer to my fear of being ridiculous, it was so powerful so I did danced with pure strangers and I was feeling drunk for real. 

After the show, he had take us in the back  stage and woke us up from our "trance" turn by turn. He had difficulties to woke me up, I remembered that he looked at me right in the eyes and told me it was okay, that I was me and I had to repeat my name several time. When I came back to myself I wasn't feeling good at all, I felt that my subconscious get raped. I really didn't liked the experience, I wasn't feeling safe anymore because I knew now that it was possible to get into my head. I felt controlled and I hated it. 

In our way back home, my mom was so exciting and ask me how it was and I was completely silent. She ask if I was okay and started to be worried a bit and I just said that I was confuse and that I did not wanted to talk about it. Everybody was so exciting for me and I was just so traumatized that couldn't handled all of that stupid joy towards the fact I lost the complete control of myself and my actions. I avoided people for a couple days so that story of me on stage could be gone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to felt terrible about the fact I had to go on the stage and do some ridiculous things for the fun of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the public and the ridicule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to fight me during the time I was hypnotized and created some negative energy within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the feeling of hate towards Messmer and towards my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like my mind has been "raped" because I lose the complete control of my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the negative energy within me after the show and have a complete shut down of my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this man was controlling my mind and actions for bad reasons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paranoid on the fact someone can get into my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid people who wanted to know about my experience because I thought I was not normal to have hated it. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the moment at the show and be grateful for my mom taking me there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be confusing about what just happened to me.

When and as I see myself being hypnotized, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I reacted like this because I thought that this guy was making fun of me when I was extremely scared of being in front of a public and that it was in fact, just my ego that have been triggered so hard that it shut my physical body down for a couple days and create this trauma within me.  The stress was so powerful that I completely suppressed my entire self and I know that only ego mind can dislike things. I also realize that only people with a very low capacity to treat the information and a low vocabulary can be reactive to this kind of hypnosis.

 I commit myself to always assist myself with a deep breath if I experience resistance towards a situation and never let my ego shut my physical body down ever again.

I commit myself to walk trough every single emotions or feelings that comes up instead of suppressing them.

I commit myself to use my Techno Tutor to redefine the words hypnosis and hypnotized and become equal and one with those two words and really understand the meaning of them.

I commit myself to tell the truth when someone is asking how I feel and put those feeling into my Techno Tutor to neutralize it.

I commit myself to continue pushing myself more every day to get rid of this shyness and always remember that shy = weak.

I commit myself to grown and suppressed every single limitation within me.