Skip to main content

Day 23 : Grandmother part 2

January 24, 2021


I've wrote a blog about my grandma earlier on day 8 and I did a commitment to myself to plant seed in her mind when I'll visit her. At Christmas we had a little party with my mom, my aunt and my grandma. At the beginning of the night, things were a bit awkward, I felt a negative energy within me just by seeing her. I take a deep breathe and I decided to listen to her and analyzed what se had to say. I She was being really dramatic and she was talking against another lady in her dance class.  I was really annoyed the first 10 minutes and than I breathe again to keep my focus on doing what is best and I remarks in her a lot of issues, a lot of anxiety and anger about everything.

Every time that she was saying something I was calling her out and telling her that all of those negative shit wouldn't happened if she have Techno Tutor.  My brother has already shown her the presentation a couple month ago and we had a diner with her this weekend and we close her on the sale, she buys it which is very amazing. I am ready to support her now because she is really willing to change.

 I never thought that it was something possible because of all the anger I had towards her and also all the contempt. I was surprised about how stable I was comparing to her and this is at this moment that I saw the programing of my mom in her and also mine, it was really fascinating to see that for myself because it was the tangible proof that we were all the same, and that it really perpetuate the exact same way, generation to generation.  Now that the three generations have Techno Tutor, it is going to be such a pleasure to being around them and support them both to become the best version of themselves. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the ambiance was awkward when it was in fact just a scenario that create in my mind for myself because I was in fight or flight mode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experienced the feeling of a negative energy within me when I saw my grandma.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have some resistance towards my commitment of planting seed in her mind for Techno Tutor because I thought that she couldn't change when it was in fact just my back chat that was trying to convince me of it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get annoyed by what my grandma was saying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego mind dominate my physical body in the real world during 10 minutes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it was impossible for me to get over my emotional reactions towards my grandma.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt contempt  and anger towards my grandmother during all those years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my emotional stability with her.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that both of us have the exact same programing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have some resistances towards helping my grandma at the first place because I get triggered by her simple presence. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that my grandma also have her pre-programmed designed and that she has been through a lot of trauma herself and that's why she is like she is. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my grandma was more evil than my mom and me when in fact we have the same fucked up ego mind that is there since forever throughout generations. 

When and as I see myself have a negative emotional reaction towards my grandma, I stop and breathe. 

I realize that why I am still reacting when I see her is because I have still some memories that I have suppressed from my childhood and also that the ego mind is trying to protect it from me so I can never make peace with this person but I have the entire control of my physical body and I won't let that happened.

I commit myself to neutralize all the negative emotional reaction breathe by breathe if I ever react through something she said when I am around her. 

I commit myself to give her the best support so she can really get more stable and learn how to forgive herself for everything that happened to her in the past. 

I commit myself to always listen to her and help her whenever she needs it so she'll become more open with me and we can communicate optimally.

I commit myself to find other memories that I have with my grandma that is triggering me  immediately apply self-forgiveness and self-correction. 

I commit myself to rebuild this relationship in a way that is best. 

 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 3 : Friendship or Bullshit ?

  December 17, 2020 My definition of friendship / relationship has changed a lot since I started my process. I've come to realize that the major part of my life, all the relationships I had allowed was only pure bullshit. Everything was based on self-interest and nothing else. I noticed that the better I felt, the smaller my circle was. At the beginning I was kind of disappointed and I was questioning myself a lot. I wasn't sure that It was the right thing to do but, at this moment I wasn't able to process the information like the way I do now. I was not really aware of the power of the ego within me, it took me a while to accept the fact that my entire life was a pure lie and that I was living it by playing a character who wasn't the real me in the physical world.  Now that I have accepted it and work on myself everyday by walking my process, all of the people I used to know as friends have almost completely disappeared from my life to let place for new people all a...
2 comments
Read more

Day 16 : My experience with hypnosis

January 6, 2021 When I was 14 or 15 years old, I remember that my mom bought  us ticket for a show, it was a hypnosis show with a man called Messmer, he is very popular here in Canada and also in France. At the first part of the show he tried something with all the public to see who is a good potential person to be on stage and it did not worked on me. I was looking at those on stage who were hypnotized and I thought it was impossible to agree to do such stupid things in front of a huge public like this and that it must be a show that is prepared in advance with those person who agreed to go on the stage before the show and acted like it worked. At the second part of the show he tried another thing, we had to put our hands together with our two index up only, separate from one another. We had to closed our eyes and he said a thing like " okay now, you feel your two index come closer and closer and more closer... after that he said " okay now, those who have their fingers stuc...
1 comment
Read more

Day 11 : My first party sober experience

December 31, 2020 Last night was my last Christmas party and it was the first time I had a family party sober and it was the first time I was the one who drives the other member home. At the beginning of the night, it was very challenging to look at everybody have their drink in their hand, I had this  thought that comes up  - Why have you decided to do this before your last party ?  So, I went to the bathroom and took three deep breathe and tell my ego to shut the fuck up. When I get back, I was already feeling better about myself.  Later in the evening, when the others started to feel the effect of the alcohol, I've started to analyses their comportment and what they were saying. I was blow minded to see the honesty and the pattern of everyone while their drunk. I learn so much from the past of everyone and it helps me understand a lot of things about where I truly comes from. Their demons were telling everything to me, like they felt the need to reveal me their se...
1 comment
Read more