Day 19 : The dangerous groundhog

 January 12, 2021

The more I am writing blogs, and do my Techno Tutor, the more I have memories from the past that comes up and the more I realize I have a lot more fears within me than I thought. A major part of my life is based on fear, I can tell more things that I am scared of than things I am not. I am aware that all of them are purely irrational and that everything is the same essence.

One of a thing that I am scared of is a little innocent groundhog. My father used to tell me horrible things about this creature. Before I was born, he was with his brother and had a couple beer while they were fishing and when they came back they were a bit drunk. When they get out of the boat they saw this little groundhog in the grass and my father approached it and he ended up with a piece of finger missing. He told me that story while I was super young and he was also trying to scared me when I was playing outside. He was telling me things like - watch out out there! A groundhog can come and eat your fingers or Be careful , I saw one in the grass this morning and he was showing me his cut finger which was disgusted me and makes me feel unsafe. 

Once, I was at my grandma's house and there was one who was living around the house and I was never going outside alone because I was feeling very uncomfortable and I was fearing to be attacked. I assume that if I am seeing one today the resistance will be less powerful but I can imagine myself have this little fear within me because of this event of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live through my limitation that I created in my mind with the programing my parents gave me in my childhood. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the possession of fears within me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that all the fear I have is in fact irrational and demonic and that it is not tangible in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume I was just a weak person who are scared of everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to creates scenarios in my mind based on my father's story and believe that the little marmot was a real danger to my life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to understand that the marmot attacked him because he was disturbing it while he was drunk and that it will never attack just like that for no reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to private myself from going outside alone because the ego mind was repeating me that it wasn't safe out there and that  I could be harm by any creatures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate marmot with this image of the cut finger of my dad and develop a fear towards marmots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume I will still experience fear towards this little creature if I am seeing one in the present moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my father to abuse my innocence by making fun of me and creates some fears towards a little animal.

I realize that I was too young to understand that the groundhog is not dangerous at all when you leave it alone and that it is more scared of human than human is scared of it and that it is completely irrational and stupid to think that this little innocent animal could possibly track you down and eat your fingers or just bite you for fun. I also realize that the fact my  father was trying to scared me with his story was a form of abuse even if it was unconsciously, it became a real issues because my father is my creator and I had trust form him and I believed everything he was telling me because I had no common sense at this age and it became part of my programing to fear things like that.

I commit myself to never let a limitation within me stopping me from doing something and face it no matter how powerful my ego is and how hard it is trying to win on me.

I commit myself to program myself as  equal and one with the word groundhog and all the words related to the nature because nature is life and we are all one.

I commit myself to always use my common sense through every situation that I face.

I commit myself to raise my children in an environment of comprehension and awareness and show them the real meaning of every single words so they can be the best version of themselves by being fearless.

I commit myself to show the world that fear are just pure delusion and that it is the creation of the ego mind and the results of our programing and nothing more and that there is a possibility to become equal and one with every fear with the right tools.