Day 21 : My relationship with women and with makeup

 January 16 , 2021

I remember that I was so shy with other women and that it was a challenge for me to be around them because I was feeling like I wasn't fitting in a women environment. I have been raised around men and I wasn't the most feminine girl in the world. I was always wearing a hoodie or a t-shirt with my jeans and that's it. I always thought that women were too dramatic and that they were all two face. I always thought that all they want to do is to gossip against each other. It took me a while before I become really feminine in the way I dressed and before I decided to wear make up. I believed that it was all fake shit and I didn't like it. 

One day  I asked my mom why does she was wearing makeup and she told me that it was to feel more beautiful and that it gave her confidence about herself and  she said she was always looking tired and that she didn't wanted others to noticed it so the makeup was her lifesaver. I started to wear makeup at the age of 14 years old and this was the year I started to make a lot more of girl friends and where boys were started to looked at me in a different way. I associated the makeup with benefits and the ultimate beauty and the key to confidence which is really ironic because it was pure fake confidence and beauty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all women are dramatic and gossips against each other. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that we are all programed to be the same to fit in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a bad relationship with the word makeup.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed my feminine side show up and judging it through others women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other women because of my lack of confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that makeup was only for fake people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that like my mom, I would feel better about myself if I wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the reflection of my mom. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word makeup with confidence when it was in fact not the real me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate makeup with beauty and believe that I was not pretty without it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the way I looked without makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting the men to be sexually attracted to me so the ego can feel good about this power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that makeup helps me to make new girl friends when the reality is that I changed the way I was acting with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character when I was putting makeup on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to based my standard of beauty towards what I see on television and also adults around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that without makeup I would never be able to have a boy friend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that makeup gives me power which is a form of manipulation towards men and that is not equality.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that all women are programed to be in competition against each other.

When and as I see myself feeling resistance towards other women, I stop and breathe.

I realize that makeup as been created by the media because it is sexually attractive for the opposite sex and that the only reason it exist is to create more brain washing in the society because everything that is keeping the actual system alive is sex and money.I also realize that when I was wearing makeup at this time of my life, it was to create a character and to nourish the ego mind that creates this need and standard of beauty that I saw during my entire life with my mom and on TV since a very young age and that my resistance towards women come from there too because that is what I have been programed with and how every little girl was and still is programed with. We all have been programed to fear each other and don't trust each other and gossips against each other because that's what they do on television. <<Tell a vision.>>

I commit myself to empowered every single woman I met. 

I commit myself to become equal and one with every beings on Earth.

I commit myself to help women around the world by being a master saleswoman and support them with their self-confidence issues with the tools I have which is Techno-Tutor and Dip. 

I commit myself to redefine the words beauty, confidence and benefits.

I commit myself to stand up for all the sexual abuse in this world. 

I commit myself to  tell myself that I am beautiful everyday.

I commit myself to help my mom grow her self-confidence with Techno Tutor.

I commit myself to never let my futures kids being brain wash by the media and educated them in a way that is best for all life.