Skip to main content

Day 15 : Don't touch the food !

 January 4, 2021


When I am making food, I really enjoy this moment because I am creating and I enjoy it even more if it is not just for me, I love cooking for others, just like my mother do. I find myself having a lot of her programing within me and that is not always a good thing. When I cook, my brother is always coming and eat stuff during the preparation time and I am reacting negatively every single time. I remembered my mother getting really angry and pissed off about us when we were doing that. She was telling us things like - don't touch it! Wait for the diner to be ready! Why you guys just can't wait? she thought we were doing this just to make her angry, And she had this huge negative black energy all around her and was mad for a few minutes. Of course, I thought  it was funny so I was always trying to have a little piece of whatever she was making and she was hitting my hand and telling me to get the fuck out of her kitchen. I had always finding it funny to see my mom reacting so I was always pushing the button too far and it never ended pretty. 

 I experienced that myself and realized that I downloaded this weird pattern of don't wanting people to eat the food before it is ready. I experience madness for no valid reasons. I become mad at my brother because he's not being patient enough to wait and feel that he will ruined the entire lunch if he took some pieces of it, because things are calculated in my mind when I serve the plate and it fuck my brain up because I am still limited. I know that he doesn't do that just to pissed me off, maybe sometimes, just to test my reaction because we love challenging each other but, it is not spiteful, it is just to make me realize that it is an emotional reaction and that it doesn't make any sense to react like this. I don't like this part of me, reacting to stupid thing like that I mean, when I'll have kids they will surely do that and I want to let them do it without being angry. It is not such a big deal, it shouldn't be.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reproduce the same reaction of anger that my mother has when we were eating her food during the preparation.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this negative emotional reaction towards my brother just because I am limited. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the action of eating before diner with the lack of food on the plate when its time to serve it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been spiteful towards my mom as a teenager by pushing her button the farthest I could and think it was funny.

 I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that I was the exact same copy of my mom and that I downloaded her programming.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at my brother when he eats during the preparation because it makes no sense to react like this. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate this part of me instead of neutralizing the emotional charges towards this specific situation. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have create drama in my mind just because of a program within me when I should just have breathe and realize that it was absolutely nothing.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think my brother is not patient enough to wait and tell him to get the fuck out of the kitchen just like my mother was telling me.

 When and as I see myself reacting negatively when someone eat during the preparation time when I cook diner, I stop and breathe.

 I realize that now that I am conscious of that program that runs in my mind, I can totally get rid of it and catch the thought, breathe and don't react. I realize that I always want things to be perfect and I react this way because it ruined the "perfection" I try to reach and it is not sane at all.

 I commit myself to always assist myself with breathing before reacting in any ways.

 I commit myself to find more programs that I have downloaded from my parents and forgive myself for all of them 

 I commit myself to never let my programming defined who I am now in the present time and neutralize all the negatives charges I have towards certain situation and words.

 I commit myself to don't go crazy with perfection because it is not good if it is not balanced correctly.

 I commit myself to get over it now and get more stable with my emotions so my children won't have to download the wrong pattern I have within me for themselves.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 22 : Why do I hate priest

  January 20, 2021 At the age of 7 years old, I had a course where we were sitting in circle and talked about Jesus during hours and at the age of 8, our parents had the choice to put us in a course called moral instead of Jesus course. I was begged my parents to go in this new class because I didn't give a damn about Jesus. They refused because both of them have been raised with a Christian mom and that was the way they were programed. They were not fanatic of it but we still went to church for special event like when someone get married or when a new baby was born to get his baptism.  My two brothers and I also had to do this Jesus course at church. There was three different steps and these course were on a period of three years. I made the first and the second course but I begged my parents to end it there because it was ridiculous for me to do that, we weren't that much people at school doing that and I was ashamed. I didn't had to make the third course, I was so gratef...
Post a Comment
Read more

Day 17 : Fear of bees

January 7, 2021 Last summer, I was making a BBQ outside on the balcony and there was a lot of bees around so I looked for the source to see if it was close to me and I remarked a little honeycomb very close to the door. My first reaction was fear because it triggered a really bad memory within me. I wanted it to be burned immediately because that's what my father used to do when there was one to close to the house. When I was a 9 years old, I was playing in the schoolyard with my friends and I had this brilliant idea to go on the other side of the fence, I was feeling adventurous. My two friends went first and they passed in the little forest with ease without anything happening. When it was my turn to jump the fence, I did it successfully but I got stuck in something. I thought it was one of those plants that have some spikes on it so I didn't want to moved in case I make the situation worst. It started to become really painful all over my body so I started to freaked out and...
Post a Comment
Read more

Day 39 : One more step

 March 1, 2021 I had my first distributor call today and I experienced a different kind of stress, it was a good stress, a necessary one. What I mean by that is that I wasn't stock in my mind before it was my turn to talk, I was really present in the moment. I would normally think about what I would said and freak the fuck out and not listen to what other said during the call and let my ego killing me with awful negative thoughts. This time, I was able to listen to others and enjoy the moment. I knew that I wouldn't talk with ease but I was okay with it, I made peace with it. I could feel the stress within me but only in a physical way, I talked really fast and my voice was shaking but I was not feeling bad about it because I was aware that it is something that I will get rid of with practice and time. I will have to do it over and over again to gain some confidence within me to be able to talk with ease in front of a large group, in another language. The difference this time w...
Post a Comment
Read more