Day 3 : Friendship or Bullshit ?

 December 17, 2020

My definition of friendship / relationship has changed a lot since I started my process. I've come to realize that the major part of my life, all the relationships I had allowed was only pure bullshit. Everything was based on self-interest and nothing else. I noticed that the better I felt, the smaller my circle was. At the beginning I was kind of disappointed and I was questioning myself a lot. I wasn't sure that It was the right thing to do but, at this moment I wasn't able to process the information like the way I do now. I was not really aware of the power of the ego within me, it took me a while to accept the fact that my entire life was a pure lie and that I was living it by playing a character who wasn't the real me in the physical world. 

Now that I have accepted it and work on myself everyday by walking my process, all of the people I used to know as friends have almost completely disappeared from my life to let place for new people all around the world. Those new people are ready to be honest with themselves and with me, they are ready to make a real difference in this world and they understand the consequences of their actions that they are taking every day.

It was hard for me at first to "fit" with this type of person, I had the background of a pure loser and my self-confidence was so low that I resisted a long moment before really get to  understand  the point of the "power of the group".

When and as I see myself thinking about my delusion life and relationship that I used to have, I stop and breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was judging myself with bad words like loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept my pre-programing mind as who I really am and act as a fucked up character who nourished itself with self-interest and don't care about all the abuses in this world and still believe I was a good person which was pure delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be conscious of the abuses in this world and believe that I could not do anything about it because I was myself a messed up person, not even able to take care of my own self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed when I lose this bunch of "friends" realizing I was in fact saying goodbye to my own self-interest which mean it was my ego that was trying to protect is bullshit from me taking 100% responsibility of my life by directing it the right way, the one where everyone is equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my low self-esteem holding me back from doing what is best and be part of the solution with the group of people that  have what I want which is create a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be such a selfish and irresponsible person during all these years and avoid my responsibility with the life of a party.

I realize that my low self-confidence and my loser background was in fact just me making excuses again to not take full responsibility of my life by connecting and sharing my process with the right people and that kept some delusional friends into my life for a while at the beginning of my process because inside of me, I still wanted to nourished my delusion so that way, I wouldn't be alone in it and felt better about myself which is completely irrational and selfish and I realize that friends are the mirror of yourself so I am truly grateful for walking this process and have shift from my delusion.

I commit myself to always stand up in front of abuses in this world by becoming a distributor for Techno-Tutor and increase the level of education in this world so the more people can fundamentally understand the vision of a world that is best for all life and get them out of their delusional reality.
 

I commit myself to stop self-judgment.

I commit myself to stay connected to the community and  with all the people that are in their process too, and support them as I want to be support.

I commit myself to do more things I am not comfortable with, breath by breath, so it can grow myself confidence and take the full control of my life with rational decisions only.