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Day 45 : Having kids wasn't an option back then

 March 8, 2021


Since last year a lot of things have changed and one of those thing is my perspective on having kids. For me, it was clear that I would never have children because I was so fucked that it was impossible to just even think about putting another being on this planet. I wasn't able to take care of my own self so, it was obvious that I wouldn't be able to be responsible for the life of someone else. I love kids I always have loved them so much, I always thought that they were fascinating. They are so pure and innocent and they are learning so fast and they are just all incredible. But, I used to think that I would be a good aunt and that's it cause it was too much responsibility for me, my processing ability was so low that waking up in the morning was overwhelming.

Now that I have upgraded my capacity to treat the information and that I can process a bunch of things and that I have reached a point of emotional stability that I never thought possible, I completely changed my mind. There is so much support in this community, Desteni and Techno-Tutor and it makes me realize how incredible this experience will be. I want to raise effective little beings who will be part of the second wave. I watched a podcast today and I found out that I will have to reprogram a bunch of things about the pregnancy and the natural birth but, I am ready to do whatever it takes to make sure I do things the right way. Giving birth for me was something really scary because of all I have been brain washed with and again, I realize that my entire life was a scam so it's obvious that I have accepted and allowed that kind of fear within me. There is a lot of forgiveness that I will do in another blog about my fear toward the pregnancy and the giving birth part.
 

I am not in a relationship yet so right now my focus is to bring Techno-Tutor to the most children I can because they are also the future and they all need to be saved from the current system that we are all in. The more effective children we have now the bigger and better the second wave will be. My intentions are clear and I will fight for this awful abuse everyday of my life, breath by breath so the international abuse can be ended in the future. I used to believe that I was too small to make a difference but that was just an excuses to not take the full responsibility and stand up for life. It was also a major lack of education but now that I have it, there is nothing to stop me from doing this. I commit myself to stand up for all the children in this world till the day I die and also to show the way of a world that is best for all to my future children. If I never get into a relationship it is okay too but I really do want it to happen but I know that it's up to me. The best of both world would be to have an effective family who will support a lot of other people by being the living example of people who have walked this process. I also used to think that I was just not good with relationships but, I was wrong. I will keep that part for another blog as well.

I  am just amazed about the fact everything I was back then have no link at all with what I really am as physical. And there is so much more that I don't know yet and that I am learning every day about myself and about the world and actually about everything. I am realizing now that life is a precious gift and I want to honor that the right way by doing everything I can in order to change this shitty system.



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