Day 39 : One more step

March 1, 2021

I had my first distributor call today and I experienced a different kind of stress, it was a good stress, a necessary one. What I mean by that is that I wasn't stock in my mind before it was my turn to talk, I was really present in the moment. I would normally think about what I would said and freak the fuck out and not listen to what other said during the call and let my ego killing me with awful negative thoughts. This time, I was able to listen to others and enjoy the moment. I knew that I wouldn't talk with ease but I was okay with it, I made peace with it. I could feel the stress within me but only in a physical way, I talked really fast and my voice was shaking but I was not feeling bad about it because I was aware that it is something that I will get rid of with practice and time. I will have to do it over and over again to gain some confidence within me to be able to talk with ease in front of a large group, in another language.

The difference this time was that I did not judge myself before and after I talked. I was proud of myself. It was not a big deal but for me, it was a big step. It is something new for me and I will continue to push myself even more to get rid of these physical reactions. Being a distributor is really the next step I needed to take to grow more because that is pushing me to do the thing that makes me feel really uncomfortable like talking in front of a group. I already made forgiveness about it but I did not apply myself enough in the real world. I have to fight this fear that I have accepted and allowed within me till it is not a part of me anymore.

I am the one who creates this fear within me and I am also the one who will get rid of it and I will do whatever it takes to be the person I want to be, fearless and limitless. I now truly believe that I can do more in this life and that I have the ability to do it and that failure is a necessity to success.

Comments

Day 10 : Alcohol and me during the next year

December 29, 2020 I had stop drinking alcohol during three months to see how I would feel and I felt really amazing. I was way more productive and my body and mind was perfectly aligned. I had some family parties recently for Christmas and I had a couple drinks and I went to bed very late. I can see now why alcohol is completely evil.These last few days I experiences some down and I felt tired so I wasn't at my 100% capacity and my mind as tried to trick me plenty times but I was aware it was because I drank. Alcohol is part of my programming, I am seeing my family drinking since I am a little baby, I have a picture of me when I was 1 or 2 years old with my sunglasses, holding an empty beer. It is within me since forever and I experience some resistances towards stopping it completely for the rest of my life, even if I am conscious of the damage that it does to me but, I am also aware that it is just the evil ego mind that is trying to convince me that I need it. I f...

Day 13 : Me as a kid fearing the dark

January 2, 2021 When I was a kid, I was scared of the dark. I needed my lamp at night and there was no way that I could quit the basement peacefully when I was closing the light to go upstairs, I was running the fastest I can and make sure to never look back in case that something or someone was following me. I was always feeling observed at night, like there was some presence in the same room as me. Darkness was making me vulnerable and stressed out because I wasn't seeing what was happening around me and did not know if I could get hurt or if someone dangerous as enter the house to scared me etc. In resume , my fear of the unknown creates this pattern within me where I imagined all the worst cases scenarios possible that can happened to me every time I was not in control of what I was seeing around me. Obviously when I grown up I stayed with my fear of the unknown because the same program was running in my head since a very young age and I duplicate the exact same patter...

Day 12 : Eating disorder/Anorexia

January 1st, 2021 I talked about my self-image problem in a previous blog that I wrote and I wanted to come back on the point of the anorexia. I used to be the kind of anorexic who was avoiding food like the pests. I wasn't just counting the calories, I was just not eating at all during several days. Sometimes I was forced to eat when I could not find a way out and that I had no more inspiration for a new lie to tell my parents. There was some lies I was telling like, I need to stay longer after school to finish an homework with others or I want to go out with friends, I could not used this one too much because my parents wanted me home after school and not with friends so I won't do stupid things if I am home with them, which I did obviously. I started amphetamine at this stage of my life, so I became more creative with the lies I was telling them to avoid eating. That was the dreamy drug for me because it suppressed my entire appetite so that was the number one reason why ...

𝑲𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒍-𝒂𝒏𝒏❜𝒔 𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝑻𝒐 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆

Search This Blog