Skip to main content

Day 44 : Am I honest when it comes to breathing

 March 7, 2021

I had said in my previous blog that I wasn't honest about the breathing process and it is totally true. I am aware of the powerful benefit that  breathing have and sometimes it is just like I forget it or well, I am avoiding it. I am definitely not using it enough, it must be the first thing that I am doing in the morning - the thing I immediately do when I catch myself being in my mind- when a thoughts comes up, a feeling , a memory from the past that can cause fear or emotional reactions, all of that. I am just not using it enough it is not automated already within me. I have to be in a catastrophic moment in my mind where physical reactions are created to think about breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that human are programs for self-sabotage and that is obvious that it is not automated within me because I am at the beginning of my process and that I am still acting\reacting as mind because that is what I always did since the day my natural learning ability is closed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use the breathing process properly to assist myself when a thoughts, emotions, feeling ,fear or memory comes up to get back here on the physical instead of staying in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the ego is addicted to energies and that good or bad it does not want me to be out of my mind it in fact want me to stay in my delusional mind\movie life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that breathing is the first thing we do when we born on Earth and the last thing we do when we leave this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not applying breathing as the first thing I do in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait to be in an alarming moment to take the time to breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to breathe in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself by convincing myself that I was breathing enough when I was in fact in my mind most of the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is not because I don't feel good or bad that the ego is not still there within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have to live every moment breath by breath.

When and as I see myself participating in my mind instead of breathing, I stop and breathe.

I realize that by not breathing I am participating in the mind and I am not life when I do that I am just ego so, I am not completely honest.

I commit myself to be more aware of my thought, emotions, feeling , fears and memory and always use breathe to come back to reality in the physical.

I commit myself to wake up every morning with a deep breathe before I start my day.

I commit myself to catch the first thought I have in the morning and take a deep breathe and make sure I don't participate into the mind during the day.

I commit myself to always be self-honest.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 22 : Why do I hate priest

  January 20, 2021 At the age of 7 years old, I had a course where we were sitting in circle and talked about Jesus during hours and at the age of 8, our parents had the choice to put us in a course called moral instead of Jesus course. I was begged my parents to go in this new class because I didn't give a damn about Jesus. They refused because both of them have been raised with a Christian mom and that was the way they were programed. They were not fanatic of it but we still went to church for special event like when someone get married or when a new baby was born to get his baptism.  My two brothers and I also had to do this Jesus course at church. There was three different steps and these course were on a period of three years. I made the first and the second course but I begged my parents to end it there because it was ridiculous for me to do that, we weren't that much people at school doing that and I was ashamed. I didn't had to make the third course, I was so gratef...
Post a Comment
Read more

Day 17 : Fear of bees

January 7, 2021 Last summer, I was making a BBQ outside on the balcony and there was a lot of bees around so I looked for the source to see if it was close to me and I remarked a little honeycomb very close to the door. My first reaction was fear because it triggered a really bad memory within me. I wanted it to be burned immediately because that's what my father used to do when there was one to close to the house. When I was a 9 years old, I was playing in the schoolyard with my friends and I had this brilliant idea to go on the other side of the fence, I was feeling adventurous. My two friends went first and they passed in the little forest with ease without anything happening. When it was my turn to jump the fence, I did it successfully but I got stuck in something. I thought it was one of those plants that have some spikes on it so I didn't want to moved in case I make the situation worst. It started to become really painful all over my body so I started to freaked out and...
Post a Comment
Read more

Day 12 : Eating disorder/Anorexia

January 1st, 2021  I talked about my self-image problem in a previous blog that I wrote and I wanted to come back on the point of the anorexia. I used to be the kind of anorexic who was avoiding food like the pests. I wasn't just counting the calories, I was just not eating at all during several days. Sometimes I was forced to eat when I could not find a way out and that I had no more inspiration for a new lie to tell my parents. There was some lies I was telling like,  I need to stay longer after school to finish an homework with others or I want to go out with friends, I could not used this one too much because my parents wanted me home after school and not with friends so I won't do stupid things if I am home with them, which I did obviously. I started amphetamine at this stage of my life, so I became more creative with the lies I was telling them to avoid eating. That was the dreamy drug for me because it suppressed my entire appetite so that was the number one reason why ...
Post a Comment
Read more