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Day 43 : F*** You Ego !

 March 5, 2021

I am still in this process of analyzing what is going on in my body and the pain is slowly going down on my neck, my shoulder are alright  but my head hurt in different places everyday. Today, I had an old pattern that came up. I thought about this bottle of wine that I received for Christmas that is in my closet, I thought how amazing it would be to drink it and how tasty that this bottle must be. I really had to focus on not open it because for a moment I became completely loss in my thoughts. It was rude and savage there was a war happening in my mind, a complete possession.  I sat down and I had breathing in a deeper level than I have ever did. When I "came back" in the real world I realized that it was only a program that was running and that it was trying to suppressed me and keeping me away from what I am doing right now, doing what is best for all. I wasn't thinking about drinking the last 2 months and I thought it was fucking easy to just stop and then I realized that, it was easy because I wasn't moving enough. I was making it easy by not pushing myself enough to make things that I am not comfortable with. It's just so obvious.

 I knew that breathing was powerful but today, I lived it more than ever. It can totally bring you back on Earth just like that. Living the life as breath have never make that much sense to me. I was aware but not enough. I am grateful for that old shitty program came back cause I did not listened to it and killed it with what is real, the breath and it makes me realize things. Fuck you ego, I am not gonna stand for your bullshit. I am conscious that it is just the tip of the iceberg and I am willing to go deeper in my process and do whatever it takes to grow more everyday of my life. I also had another realization of my honesty toward breathing, I realize that I resist it a lot without even be conscious that I was avoiding it. I will surely make another blog on this and apply Self-forgiveness.

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