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Day 38 : My relationship with money

 February 28, 2021


I always had a weird relationship with money. The moment I had some I needed to spent it all, I wasn't able to keep a freaking dollar in my wallet and it started at a very young age. When I've been introduced to money I was buying a bunch of candy and crap like that with it. When I get older my money was all for my addictions possible, alcohol, drugs, casino, cigarettes, classy restaurants, taxi, expensive clothes, new technology etc. At the age of 18 when I moved out from my parent place I felt like the big city was like a Hollywood movie, I went ALL IN in the self-interested and evil game. I saved my money for a long time with a lot of difficulty, my mom had to put it in her account so I don't spend it and when I moved out, I spent it all in 2 weeks. I had no sense of responsibility, no awareness of the consequences of my actions. 

Once I spent all my money, and loaded two credit cards I was saying that I didn't needed money to be happy. How stupid and contradictory this was ? I wasn't honest with myself at all but I did not really understand that before. Now everything is fine, I am not who I was anymore but I have to allowed myself to make more money. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I was preprogrammed to be like I was and act like I did and that I would probably be on the street at the actual present time if I did not started my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all the money I put into the addictions I had was feeding big corporations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by buying new technology and expensive brand clothes, I was participating in the abuse like slavery and trafficking of other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character based on all the movies I saw and believe for a moment that my life was close to be like those in the film when in was in fact pure delusion and irrational behaviors. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have been brain washed by the bunch of movies I saw since I was a baby and that movies are a form of media used to brain washed those who have enough money to have a TV to keep them enslaved in the system and also show them million of publicity to push them to buy more stuff unconsciously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to said that I don't need money to be happy because there is a bunch of people who are suffering in this world and that if they would have access to money they would have access to their basics needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irresponsible, dishonest with myself and so with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I did not develop the sense of responsibility because my parents were doing literally everything for me instead of letting me do stuff and learn by myself and they also giving me everything I wanted, there was no chance I survived out of the town in a bigger city.

I realize that  my parents tried hard to make me understand the value of money ( the value that every human have agreed it was ) but they were in fact  not as good with money as I thought. They have a big house and a lot of stuff but they are also full of debts since forever so I was already preprogrammed to spend the money I don't have. I also realize that I have a resistance to make more money because I have been programmed to think that rich people are bad people, because of the movies I watched and all the medias even if it is unconsciously it is still affecting me. 

I commit myself to let go of all the resistance toward making more money.

I commit myself to always spend my money wisely.

I commit myself to provide more money to be able to help the world. 


 

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