Day 32 : Anger toward the cat

February 20, 2021

My cat is always jumping on my laptop when I am not around and he open so many things and close some important stuff that I am doing on it. He always sit on it to watch the fish and he scratch the aquarium as well. That is pissing me off and I get really mad at him because it wasn't the first time I had to restart something in process. Some thoughts comes up through my mind like : Fuck you Manson, why the fuck you cannot understand that this is pissing me off, the aquarium is brand new god dammit why are you so mean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger towards the cat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the cat is preprogrammed to hunt and that he don't care about the messed he can cause around him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the cat was doing this just to annoyed me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts : why the fuck you cannot understand that this is pissing me off, the aquarium is brand new god dammit why are you mean ? and Fuck you Manson.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful toward my cat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pissed off against the cat because he deleted some work on my laptop.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to breathe instead of getting pissed off and create a negative energy within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for the madness,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Manson also love being on my laptop because it is a hot place to sleep on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mad about the fact Manson scratch the aquarium when it is in fact just material.

When and as I see myself being pissed off against the cat, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I should have take the responsibility to close my laptop when I am not around knowing that Manson will surely jump on it to sleep on it or to attack the fish and that it is not is fault is he delete everything on my laptop, I am responsible for that.

I commit myself to close the laptop when I am not around.

I commit myself to take a deep breathe if I forgot to close the laptop and the cat jump on it and erase my things instead of going in a mad state.

Comments

Day 17 : Fear of bees

January 7, 2021 Last summer, I was making a BBQ outside on the balcony and there was a lot of bees around so I looked for the source to see if it was close to me and I remarked a little honeycomb very close to the door. My first reaction was fear because it triggered a really bad memory within me. I wanted it to be burned immediately because that's what my father used to do when there was one to close to the house. When I was a 9 years old, I was playing in the schoolyard with my friends and I had this brilliant idea to go on the other side of the fence, I was feeling adventurous. My two friends went first and they passed in the little forest with ease without anything happening. When it was my turn to jump the fence, I did it successfully but I got stuck in something. I thought it was one of those plants that have some spikes on it so I didn't want to moved in case I make the situation worst. It started to become really painful all over my body so I started to freaked out and...

Day 12 : Eating disorder/Anorexia

January 1st, 2021 I talked about my self-image problem in a previous blog that I wrote and I wanted to come back on the point of the anorexia. I used to be the kind of anorexic who was avoiding food like the pests. I wasn't just counting the calories, I was just not eating at all during several days. Sometimes I was forced to eat when I could not find a way out and that I had no more inspiration for a new lie to tell my parents. There was some lies I was telling like, I need to stay longer after school to finish an homework with others or I want to go out with friends, I could not used this one too much because my parents wanted me home after school and not with friends so I won't do stupid things if I am home with them, which I did obviously. I started amphetamine at this stage of my life, so I became more creative with the lies I was telling them to avoid eating. That was the dreamy drug for me because it suppressed my entire appetite so that was the number one reason why ...

Day 16 : My experience with hypnosis

January 6, 2021 When I was 14 or 15 years old, I remember that my mom bought us ticket for a show, it was a hypnosis show with a man called Messmer, he is very popular here in Canada and also in France. At the first part of the show he tried something with all the public to see who is a good potential person to be on stage and it did not worked on me. I was looking at those on stage who were hypnotized and I thought it was impossible to agree to do such stupid things in front of a huge public like this and that it must be a show that is prepared in advance with those person who agreed to go on the stage before the show and acted like it worked. At the second part of the show he tried another thing, we had to put our hands together with our two index up only, separate from one another. We had to closed our eyes and he said a thing like " okay now, you feel your two index come closer and closer and more closer... after that he said " okay now, those who have their fingers stuc...

𝑲𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒍-𝒂𝒏𝒏❜𝒔 𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝑻𝒐 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆

Search This Blog