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Day 30 : Breaking a commitment

 February 18, 2021

Here I am at day 30, I am supposed to be more far than that but I didn't respect my commitment of writing a blog per day. I can say that I am not proud of myself and that have some consequences on the trust I have for myself.  I always had a "good" excuses to not write it. I usually wait in the late evening to write it and most of the time I get to tired to focus on my writing. I noticed that when I am writing a blog I feel drained by the ego mind,  sometimes I spent too much time fighting the fact I should write it and I get stock with the blank page syndrome so I give up. Other times I have literally no idea what to write about but, I am aware that this is kind of another way to avoid something that is inside me. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overestimate myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not respect my commitment and feel bad about it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not taking my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for making excuses for not applying my daily writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till night to write my blog because I felt I was more productive on my writing when in fact this was pure bullshit and that was another form of excuses to end up too tired to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the ego mind win over me and leave me with the blank page syndrome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not being honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself let my ego mind drained me down,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not having clarified a clear starting point when I started my journey of writing blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequences that comes with the fact I don't respect the commitment I made with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the shame within me and used it as an excuse to not write this blog.

I realize that I did not put any dead line and just assume that I would write a blog a day for the rest of my life. To be honest with myself I should set smaller goal to make sure I accomplish it and keep my momentum. I also realize that without shame I cannot change fundamentally myself.

I commit myself to write my blog early in the day so I won't have any excuses to make about the fact I should write it or not.

I commit myself to write a blog everyday during the next month.

I commit myself be honest with myself and honor the principle of self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop the judgment toward myself.  

I commit myself to get out of my mind breathe by breathe and push myself to write even if nothing comes up because I know that it is just my mind that is fucking around to keep me enslave of my own programming.

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