Skip to main content

Day 28 : Spitefulness of my ego

Febuary 5, 2021

I went to the grocery store two days ago and I never really following the rules in the store because there is not an ounce of common sense in those rules. I was in reverse in a row and there was this old lady who looked at me and told me : You are in the wrong way miss!! I just looked at her right in the eyes in silence and the back chat started in my mind. I was thinking : What the fuck is wrong with this lady ? Why is she out there if she is THAT scared of the virus ? Why she don't mind her own business , Even the people who works here leave me the fuck alone, go home and let people live their life madam. I took a deep breathe and shut my mind down.

When I catch up the thoughts and took my breathe, it was like I was waking up from a possession, this was a thirty second of pure possession of my ego mind. I realize I that I felt attacked. I looked around me and realize, okay I am here, in the physical, at the grocery store, not in my mind, there is no need to react for this annoying comment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that people are in majority brain washed by the medias and that for them it is important to follow the sanitary measures because they truly believe that this is helping for stopping the virus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that everybody understand the political agenda behind this pandemic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these thoughts within me for a moment and stayed stuck in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bad thoughts about this old lady and become mad at her as an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego mind feel attacked by what this lady told me, realizing that it wanted the lady to think the same way as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experienced frustration towards this lady.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this old lady is living in constant fears and that she needed to tell me that I was in the wrong way because I represented the absolute danger for her cause the medias has programed her to fear people like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the thought " why is she out there if she is THAT scared of the virus?" when in fact, scared or not, everyone is allowed to be out there and receive the same respect equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the thought " what the fuck is wrong with this lady" when I actually knew the answer and I just let the spiteful back chat goes on and talked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the thought " why she don't mind her own business, even the people here leave me the fuck alone" when I was in fact conscious of the reason why she said that and also that the people who works there must be just very tired of telling people to go the right way so they don't do or anything about it anymore.

When and as I see myself reacting negatively and stay stuck in my mind when someone tell me something that annoyed me, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the division in the society created by the propaganda of the media is a major part of the problem and that we need to become better at sales to sold the real solution where everyone is equal and safe, and not in a constant state of fear and survival. I also realize that I always have been stuck in my mind before and,  just like this old lady I wasn't aware of the power of the ego mind and now, I can see and understand and catch the thoughts before it ruined my entire day.

I commit myself to continue assisting myself with the breathing process when a thought comes up.

I commit myself to stand up in front of the abuse of those in power who wants to control everything and everyone instead of giving a chance to everybody on this planet to have this basics needs met.

I commit myself to find a way out to make more money to get my license of TT faster.

I commit myself to show the world that fears exist just in the mind and that with the tools it is possible to become equal and one with all of them.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 3 : Friendship or Bullshit ?

  December 17, 2020 My definition of friendship / relationship has changed a lot since I started my process. I've come to realize that the major part of my life, all the relationships I had allowed was only pure bullshit. Everything was based on self-interest and nothing else. I noticed that the better I felt, the smaller my circle was. At the beginning I was kind of disappointed and I was questioning myself a lot. I wasn't sure that It was the right thing to do but, at this moment I wasn't able to process the information like the way I do now. I was not really aware of the power of the ego within me, it took me a while to accept the fact that my entire life was a pure lie and that I was living it by playing a character who wasn't the real me in the physical world.  Now that I have accepted it and work on myself everyday by walking my process, all of the people I used to know as friends have almost completely disappeared from my life to let place for new people all a...
2 comments
Read more

Day 10 : Alcohol and me during the next year

December 29, 2020     I had stop drinking alcohol during three months to see how I would feel and I felt really amazing. I was way more productive and my body and mind was perfectly aligned. I had some family parties recently for Christmas and I had a couple drinks and I went to bed very late. I can see now why alcohol is completely evil.These last few days I experiences some down and I felt tired so I wasn't at my 100% capacity and my mind as tried to trick me plenty times but I was aware it was because I drank.  Alcohol is part of my programming, I am seeing my family drinking since I am a little baby, I have a picture of me when I was 1 or 2 years old with my sunglasses, holding an empty beer. It is within me since forever and I experience some resistances towards stopping it completely for the rest of my life, even if I am conscious of the damage that it does to me but, I am also aware that it is just the evil ego mind that is trying to convince me that I need it. I f...
1 comment
Read more

Day 16 : My experience with hypnosis

January 6, 2021 When I was 14 or 15 years old, I remember that my mom bought  us ticket for a show, it was a hypnosis show with a man called Messmer, he is very popular here in Canada and also in France. At the first part of the show he tried something with all the public to see who is a good potential person to be on stage and it did not worked on me. I was looking at those on stage who were hypnotized and I thought it was impossible to agree to do such stupid things in front of a huge public like this and that it must be a show that is prepared in advance with those person who agreed to go on the stage before the show and acted like it worked. At the second part of the show he tried another thing, we had to put our hands together with our two index up only, separate from one another. We had to closed our eyes and he said a thing like " okay now, you feel your two index come closer and closer and more closer... after that he said " okay now, those who have their fingers stuc...
1 comment
Read more