Day 28 : Spitefulness of my ego

Febuary 5, 2021

I went to the grocery store two days ago and I never really following the rules in the store because there is not an ounce of common sense in those rules. I was in reverse in a row and there was this old lady who looked at me and told me : You are in the wrong way miss!! I just looked at her right in the eyes in silence and the back chat started in my mind. I was thinking : What the fuck is wrong with this lady ? Why is she out there if she is THAT scared of the virus ? Why she don't mind her own business , Even the people who works here leave me the fuck alone, go home and let people live their life madam. I took a deep breathe and shut my mind down.

When I catch up the thoughts and took my breathe, it was like I was waking up from a possession, this was a thirty second of pure possession of my ego mind. I realize I that I felt attacked. I looked around me and realize, okay I am here, in the physical, at the grocery store, not in my mind, there is no need to react for this annoying comment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that people are in majority brain washed by the medias and that for them it is important to follow the sanitary measures because they truly believe that this is helping for stopping the virus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that everybody understand the political agenda behind this pandemic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these thoughts within me for a moment and stayed stuck in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bad thoughts about this old lady and become mad at her as an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego mind feel attacked by what this lady told me, realizing that it wanted the lady to think the same way as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experienced frustration towards this lady.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this old lady is living in constant fears and that she needed to tell me that I was in the wrong way because I represented the absolute danger for her cause the medias has programed her to fear people like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the thought " why is she out there if she is THAT scared of the virus?" when in fact, scared or not, everyone is allowed to be out there and receive the same respect equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the thought " what the fuck is wrong with this lady" when I actually knew the answer and I just let the spiteful back chat goes on and talked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the thought " why she don't mind her own business, even the people here leave me the fuck alone" when I was in fact conscious of the reason why she said that and also that the people who works there must be just very tired of telling people to go the right way so they don't do or anything about it anymore.

When and as I see myself reacting negatively and stay stuck in my mind when someone tell me something that annoyed me, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the division in the society created by the propaganda of the media is a major part of the problem and that we need to become better at sales to sold the real solution where everyone is equal and safe, and not in a constant state of fear and survival. I also realize that I always have been stuck in my mind before and,  just like this old lady I wasn't aware of the power of the ego mind and now, I can see and understand and catch the thoughts before it ruined my entire day.

I commit myself to continue assisting myself with the breathing process when a thought comes up.

I commit myself to stand up in front of the abuse of those in power who wants to control everything and everyone instead of giving a chance to everybody on this planet to have this basics needs met.

I commit myself to find a way out to make more money to get my license of TT faster.

I commit myself to show the world that fears exist just in the mind and that with the tools it is possible to become equal and one with all of them.