Day 5 : In the mind of a teenager in the school system

December 19, 2020

 Yesterday I wrote a bit about me as a teenager and how I was a suppressing myself by staying trap in my mind  and believing my ego who was telling me that I was a piece of shit who would never do nothing good with my life because I was a weak sensible woman with no purpose and that everything was "too big" for me. I accepted the fact that in life, they exist two types of people, those who succeed and will have a super wealthy life and those who failed and struggle for survival every single minute of there life. I wasn't even conceiving that I could at least reach the middle class, it was clear for me when I turn 15 years old that I did not have the word success integrated within me.

School was literally hell for me, I sucked at it and I hated it because I did not understand anything because I had zero interest in school at all so I never studied or did the homework. My mom and I had a shitty relationship together , it was fight after fight because I always bring bad results at home and much more reason why  that I will share in another blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to truly believe my ego mind when it says that I was just a huge piece of shit and that I could not do anything with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that there is no between in rich people and poor people and that I was actually part of the middle class and not realizing  I was pre-programmed to stay in it for the rest of my life because my life was already written in advance.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to think about those people in poor country who literally don't have anything to eat, no place to live , no clothes to put on themselves, no education, not even water, and put myself in this category when they are the real one who struggle for their survival every single minute of their life which was making me a delusional and selfish person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be close minded to the word "success'' within me and accept me as a failure. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  believe that the result I get in school was the reflection of who I'll become and be for the rest of my life without any way out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in a fight with my mom when I bring bad results home and experience some really negative energy towards her which bring me to hate school even more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe all the back chat that was running constantly in my teenager mind and take them for granted and bring them into my adult life.

When and as I see myself thinking about the time at school as a teenager, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the education system is designed to sort children so that those who are successful will be part of the big industries that dominate our economy such as pharmaceutical industry and will become the pillars of the system while the others will be low classes, under pay and struggling way much more. I also realize that my mom was pissed off about my results because she was scared I end up not not ending my high school just like she did which I did not because I used her madness to kick my ass and do it anyways.

I commit myself to be stable enough and walk through my process more and more before having kids because I know that I download some negative pattern of my parents and I will use the tools to get through each point.

I commit myself to never reflect any negative emotions on my children and always breathe and work through the point where I react and use self-correction and forgiveness on it. 

 I commit myself to never put my children in school and educated them properly at home with Techno Tutor so they can become the best version of themselves and be effective human being in this world and be ready to the creation of the third waves.

I commit myself to stand up for all the suffering and abuses that is happening on children in this world by bringing the the solution which is education as many family as possible during my entire life process.

I commit myself to look at me in the mirror every day to see if I still have some back chat within me and apply forgiveness for every single thought I have on a regular basis to become equal and one with my ego.

I commit myself to show the world that the education is the key and that they don't have to get stuck in the system as a slave of those greedy beings who benefits  their entire life and also show them the way out towards a world that is best for all life where everybody got their needs met and every life is equal.