Day 4 : Born to be stressed

December 18, 2020

 I remembered that during my childhood my parents used to overprotected me. I was their only girl and I was the younger after my two older brothers.  I was this fragile little thing who needed to be taking care of. During years I was surrounded by their fears of me getting hurt and by their constant stress. They were both naturally stressed out by everything and had a huge lack of confidence and I literally become the same as them, in ten time worst. 

As a teenager I felt trap, anxious and depressed and I generally did not know why I was feeling this way. I was over emotional and always crying for no reason. I was still this fragile little thing who wasn't able to deal with her own self.  Life become more and more difficult with all the stress that was inside me. 

Fight or flight used to be my constant mood for a while and I was truly living the word "stress" within me on a daily basis.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppressed myself during years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  be in a constant state of fight or flight and developed some serious mental illness due to that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the programming of my parents and assume that was the way I would be for the rest of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the word stress dominate me instead of being equal and one with it.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take the responsibility of my state of mind at this moment of my life because I believe that I was just too sensible for this world and assume that it was the why I was constantly depressed and stressed out without knowing the cause.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life become harder with time instead of finding for a solution to solve the problem within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the feeling of anxiety, depression and profound sadness in a regular basis, keeping me in such a low vibe and attracting constantly bad things and people into my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the way I turned as a teenager.

When and as I see myself thing about the word stress, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am the only creator of my life and that nobody is responsible but me for everything that has and will happened in my life and that I was too busy being the victim of my overprotected childhood to see that I could have take actions for myself and choose to feel better. I also realize that my parents were programmed to raise me in that state of fears because they were raise in it themselves.

I commit myself to redefine the words stress, anxiety, fears, cry, emotions , emotional , depression, sensible, childhood and sadness and see what else will comes up and walk through it by writing every single point in forgiveness and become equal and one with each one of them.

I commit myself to direct my life through actions and not with emotions or feelings.

I commit myself to investigate more about my childhood now that I remember it more and more by walking this process in Dip, blogs and Techno Tutor.

I commit myself to always assume fully my responsibility as a creator of my own life.

I commit myself to choose to feel better every day by allowing myself to let out all of the dirt of the past through my writing in these blogs.